Hi, I’m Alison.
I’m fourteen years old.
I have light brown hair and hazel eyes.
I am five foot five and a half.
And I have aspergers syndrome.
Everyone looks at me with surprise when I say that, they don’t believe me to begin with. But you’re so good at people! You don’t really do you? And then: Why didn’t you tell me?
Well, because it didn’t matter, it wasn’t relevant to the conversation. You didn’t need to know. It’s not what makes me who I am, and I’d rather be judged first without the autism. Then again, if you think I’m different because you know that small thing about me, and you treat me differently because you know I’m an aspie, then I don’t want to be around you any more.
I was diagnosed about three years ago. My brother was diagnosed before me, and I started having problems with people in general, I felt awful, and my parents were worried so they took me to see the people who diagnosed my brother. And after a while, they diagnosed me too.
I hated it to begin with, I felt like I’d failed, like there was something wrong with me. And in a way it is, there is something in my brain that doesn’t work quite like other people’s.
I get stressed a lot, I’m usually stressed actually. And because I’m nearly always stressed I tend to melt down more than other people… I didn’t realize this until about a month ago, but I’m really not shouting at you because you annoyed me, I’m shouting at you because you happened to annoy me after a mountain of other things had already piled on top of me, and I couldn’t deal with another one. So sorry, I didn’t mean to explode at you.
I find people hard, they confuse me. The way I work people out is I play by rules, I watch people and do things the way that works. But this means that if you change the rules, I’m going to find it harder to adjust than most people.
Aspergers does not define me, it’s not the part of me that matters the most. It is part of who I am, but it’s not the only part.
There may be a lot of things I find harder than other people do, but I’ll deal with it. It may take me a bit longer, and I may have to work a bit harder, but I’ll get there in the end. And that’s really the only thing you should know, not that I have Aspergers, not that I got diagnosed with autism. Just that I’m a bit stressed out right now, and I need to walk away and breathe for a minute.